Sunday, December 6, 2009

Dec. 5 2009: I am going crazy...ok beautiful thing today.. I was going to say I know how to dress to flatter myself.. but fuck... the word flattering.. that is really something to think about eh?

Sometimes I think flattering feeds into the whole ohh you shouldn't wear that... it is too tight, too loose, shows too much skin, too short, too long, blah blah blah

I wear what makes me feel good, and what I feel comfortable in... this is not to say I am comfortable with my body, but I put things together in a way that makes me feel better about it

flattering flattering flattering

why should it matter to anyone how someone else looks? If someone is happy in what they are wearing, then perhaps it is the person thinking it is not flattering's problem for being so judgemental ... and probably points to more insecurities in the judger than the judged

I remember my mom saying ohhhh you shouldn't wear that... it is too should wear pants.. blah blah blah *( I don't wear pants anymore... ) a few years ago I would have taken offense to this, but instead I said hey mom... maybe if someone looks at me and is disgusted by my outfit or how this shirt looks on me, then it is their problem to not have more important things to focus on.. not mine for wearing what I want to wear

this was a very strong moment in my personal growth. it may not seem monumental.. but as I have previously mentioned.. self-hate or insecurities are contageous.. and this was a big step in me breaking that cycle of contamination

annnnd scene.

Friday, December 4, 2009

backlog p.2

Nov 20: Wrote you are beautiful just the way you are!! inside the cover of a stupid girly mag with a cover title saying how to combat the muffin top.. grrrr

nov 21: I am really great at bringing people together and lOVE IT

nov 22: I am honest.. even when it is hard and akward and confrontational.. in a non-violent way.. but still.. honestly is always harder than white lies

nov 23: I giggle alot... in fact.. last weekend my giggling set off a motion detector..

nov 24: I actually do vs. say

nov 25: I have incredible, non-superficial friends, and I think this is a reflection of myself..

nov 26: I have the ability to converse with anyone..

nov. 27: I am really great at exploring and getting to know cities and sharing this information with others... ( although in blog form I may not be the best.. it really helps to move somewhere and know someone that knows the city.. I am one of those people

nov. 28: I am not embarassed to make mistakes.. or a fool out of myself for that matter

nov 29: I have a really free light spirit

nov 30: I see the beauty above anything else in others (for the most part, and at least at first impressions)

dec 1: these last few days have been really challenging. Those thoughts of eternal loneliness in Canada due to my lack of immediate attractiveness are creeping into my brain and I feel like crap..

Dec 2: I am a kick-ass cook! Can make anything out of nothing... and it will be delicious.

dec 3: Today I created a warm and welcoming home for my friend Julia to come home to, I knew this would make her happy... friends and yummy food = happiness.. today André and I were talking about people that really feel comfortable in situations and the cool things that result...will explain more another day.. off to another dinner date

dec 4: I consistently think of others vs myself... although this is a double edged sword