Nov 13,2009: I have a calming effect on others. I have an uncanny ability to either completely miss out on stressful situations or within them keep a sense of calm. I attribute this partly to Reiki, as being a practitioner for so long has allowed me to learn how to calm others as well as myself.

Will it matter in a year? probably not... so why worry? although this is changing.... more explanation in next beautiful thing about myself.

Nov 14, 2009: I make decisions based on my heart, not my pocket book or realistic notions of logical jobs. (most of the time)

At the moment I have an incredible job, I get paid to travel around Quebec and talk to people about a program I believe in. Sounds ace eh? the other side is working at a bureau with someone who treats me with about as little respect and politeness as a spec of dirt. (could have been more vulgar... but am trying to see the compassion in the situation)

THIS IS EATING MY SOUL! see, while pondering at my favourite cafe in MTL I decided that what my heart desires is adventure, simplicity and love. The three main things I was thinking of doing was

1) go to a yoga ashram in upper British Columbia to do a karma yoga program. Eat well, live in nature, practice yoga and live without excess....

2) Go to Bolivia: dream of mine to live and learn in Bolivia

3) Take a job as a promotion agent for an official-languages program (this was uncertain as I still hadn't received a response and I didn't have a drivers license which is necessary for the program)

4) Go to naturopathic school in Montreal (expensive and not eligible for loans, but I KNOW I would be happy doing this)

I had my application for the Ashram ready, and just as I was about to get the final reference letter, I received an email saying I got the job as a promotion agent. See, a couple summers ago, I had the option of working a public relations job related to my degree, well paid and pretty cool, but I chose to help in opening up a fair trade cooperative cafe in Ottawa. Less pay, less direct relation to the degree I spent 50 grand on BUT something I knew Ottawa needed and a cool project with really chill people. BEST DECISION EVER!! I just visited the cafe last weekend and it warmed my heart to see its progress. To have played a part in its creation is something that has reaped many rewards. Last winter I had the opportunity to travel through Mexico and attend an amazing conference and 15th anniversary slash new years party in the mountains of chiapas with the Zapatistas. This was due to the cafe's connections with this community.

Anyways, point being that I took the job and am feeling like a cat in a cage because I have already tasted what it feels like to be respected and work in a non-hierarchical establishment. I think working at the cafe has ruined any hope of survival in a bureaucratic environment.

I am trying really hard to learn from and enjoy this position, but I know I deserve more respect than what I am receiving...

it won't matter in a year, it won't matter in a year, it won't matter in a year..... sigh....

Nov 15, 2009: I am a colourful fish in a sea of grey, white and black business attire.

Nov 16, 2009: I listen, really listen, not just for the opportunity to be heard.

Nov 17, 2009: I challenge people and allow myself to be challenged.

Nov 18, 2009: I try and see things from different perspectives, and try and give people the benefit of the doubt. IE boss is hormonal at her ripe age, not a horrible human being....